Okay, now it’s something that I’m kind of scared to share, because it’s not a topic we usually talk about, and it’s sometimes perceived as narcissism. But I believe it is the one and only key to live a better life. I discovered it’s the source of everything: I want to talk about self-love.
I want to share with you how I came to that insight, how it can improve your life and some practices I’m using.
1. Why self-love is key to happiness
First, I believe that we all suffer from a lack of self-love, at some point in our lives. I’m not talking about loving yourself so much that you’re arrogant and you don’t value other people. No, I’m talking about genuine love, genuine compassion.
When I talk about a lack of self-love, I mean all kind of conversation with ourselves that is not kind and helpful. Such as:
- When you blame yourself from something you did
- When you’re afraid of what people will think of you
- When you believe you do not deserve success, health or wealth
- When you’re feeling a lack of confidence, etc
All these situations, all the negative talk that we have with ourselves, it comes from a lack of self-love. Just think about it and you’ll see it’s true.
I discovered it myself in my journey of trying to improve my quality of life. One of the things that I struggled with, and that I still struggle with to this day, is the fear of being judged. You know, to be accepted, to fit in. I wanted to be able to assume my actions, be proud of the path that I’m on today, which is becoming an online entrepreneur. Sometimes I get a lot of negative feedback and I’d just rather not talk about it. So I started to research about authenticity, and self-love came up.
I followed the path, and I realized: no matter what big plans I have for the future, or no matter what I try to achieve, it doesn’t matter. Indeed, if I do not love myself enough to be able to enjoy my dreams, or to dare to take action, it will be very hard. For instance: imagine your dream is to be a public speaker. You are probably going to face a lot of judgment and rejection. You will then need a big amount of self-love, to be immune to this and keep going.
That’s why I believe that self-love is key to happiness. I can’t think of one situation where self-love is not required. I would like to expand on how life could be for us if self-love was our main priority.
2. What happens when self-love is your priority
Imagine being immune to what other people think. This is what self-love can do. Knowing that the only important opinion is your opinion. The opinions of other people are just opinions. They exist in their world, in their mind, with their systems of beliefs and value. Why should we care so much about them? Just love yourself and choose what is best for you.
Imagine having the confidence to try new thing, to be willing to “fail”. If you love yourself, you will know that the failure is not you, it’s just an event, it’s just a result, and you will not identify yourself with it. You will know you did your best. And you will be willing to do it again, differently.
Imagine not having to please people anymore. Not having to pretend you are someone else, just to fit in. When you love yourself, you are just happy with who you are and you don’t want to change that.
Imagine loving yourself, and not being needy for someone else’s love. When you love yourself, you are not dependent on the validation of another person. You can love without expecting anything in return, and that is a sane relationship to have.
Imagine talking to yourself in a gentle way, being kind. Not the way we are so used to talk. Like self-depreciation, blaming, judging our thoughts and our bodies. Imagine loving your body, loving your mind. You will automatically choose to put healthy food in your body, and consume healthy content/information! The person we spend most of our time with is ourselves. In our mind. Of course, we want to have a loving relationship with this person!
These are the main reasons why I believe self-love is key to happiness. It’s really the basis of all success. Remember when you were a child? You were always happy! And have you ever seen a sad tree? A depressed bird? No! Loving ourselves is our natural state of being.
I want now to share some tools and resources with you, to get you started on that path.
3. Tools and practice
- First, the most important I guess, is our self-talk. As I said, it is the biggest part because we constantly talk to ourselves. So be attentive, be mindful, and watch your thoughts. You can ask yourself this question: “If I truly and deeply loved myself, would I let myself experience this?”. And remember, self-love is a practice, as much as exercising. It’s not a unique event.
- Repeat as much as possible a positive thought in your head. It’s just a matter of it becoming automatic and overwriting other negative thoughts. Just choose something that works for you. I started with “I love myself”. You may not believe it at first, as I did. But just keep going. Now I’m using “I am love”, because it removes the division between my ego and myself, and it resonates more.
- This one is powerful but I might sound crazy! Just look at yourself in the mirror, very close, and stare at one eye. Don’t be afraid! It’s just you! And start repeating “I love myself” (or what works for you). You’re speaking directly to your soul.
- Finally, I want to give you the name of 2 great books. Most of the insights and techniques I’m using and sharing here are coming from these books. So make sure to read them if you want to learn even more.
- Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It: very short, fast to read, simple, and effective.
- The Mastery of Love: a lot of insight of love and our beliefs about it; eyes opening.
I hope you enjoyed this post and that it brought you as much value as I get from all these discoveries. If you like it make sure to drop a comment or share the post!