Choose Your Words Carefully: They Are Controlling Your Life

choose your words carefully

Have you ever realized that we are our worst critic? The mental chatter going on in our mind is usually pretty negative.

But the good news is that we have the power to change it. We even have the power to make it positive!

If you’re especially impacted by your negative self-talk, watch the video below where I demonstrate the power of words, why we should choose carefully, and the benefits of doing so.

How To Change Your Behavior With No Effort

change your behavior

We all have areas we want to improve in. But these areas are also the ones where we struggle the most. Maybe you’ve tried to overcome procrastination? To be more confident? In vain?

Discover how to do it, with no effort, without wondering how you will do it, but just by using your brain and the way it’s supposed to operate.

Have the goal in mind, and let your brain work automatically towards it. By doing the work just 15-30min per day.

If you want to discover the method, check out my last video!

change your behavior

How To Use Your Mind: From Enemy To Ally. UNLOCK YOUR POWER!

use your mind

Transcript below:

Have you ever wanted something and found out that your mind is your biggest obstacle? Like it’s your enemy instead of your friend?

Well in this video I’m going to explain to you how our mind works how our brain works and how we can use it as an ally instead of an enemy.

Maybe you want to work on a project and you’re really motivated, but as soon as you want to start your mind goes “no don’t want to do it, go and watch Netflix”, for example. So I’m going to explain to you what I’ve learned about the mind, how it works and how to use it properly. And all these techniques, I’m learning them from a training that I’m currently following, it’s a training from Marisa Pier, the famous therapist.

As I said I’m passionate about how the mind works and I want to use it to help people overcome their challenges and remove any blockages.

1. Pain and Pleasure associations

So, let’s dive in. So the first thing to know about the mind, and this point alone can be really effective in changing your behavior and in understanding how to use your mind. The only thing that your mind does is it keeps you away from pain. So if you take a look you will see that all of your actions are related to either pain or pleasure.

Indeed when you do something, it’s either to gain pleasure or to avoid pain, so it all comes down to the meaning you attach to the activity, to your behavior. Let’s say you want to start exercising and you’ve been procrastinating, you’ve been postponing it. The reason why you’ve been postponing it is because when you think about exercising, it’s painful, you know it will be hard. And the minute you will start to exercise and actually do it is because it’s too painful not to do it.

Let’s take another example. Let’s say you have an important project to work on, you know you have to do it. Have you ever wondered why we always at shcool waited like two days before the deadline before starting the work? Because when you have one month to do something, the first days it’s just too painful to get to work because you know you still have time but by approaching the end you know that if you don’t get to work it will have worse consequences and then you start to work. So it’s all about pain and pleasure and by knowing this the very powerful thing is that you can change things, you can change the meaning you attach to things.

For example, let’s say you’re on a diet and you want to stop eating sugar. It’s very hard because usually what goes on is “Oh, I love ice cream or I love chocolate” of course your brain is going to make you want it because it gives you pleasure. But then you eat the chocolate or you eat the pizza and right after you feel bad because you just ate something that’s not good for your body.

So what you could do is link pain to eating pizza or eating chocolate and link pleasure to not eating it. For example, every time you want to eat chocolate or pizza you can picture yourself like being really fat not fit not able to do exercise and you can see that by refusing the chocolate or the pizza or whatever it is, link pleasure to this by thinking: Yeah, I will be able to fit my clothes. I will be able to exercise, I will be able to look good in my clothes; so it’s all a matter of attaching a different meaning to it.

Have you ever experienced like really wanting to do something and instead of doing it just lie on the couch or take a nap? If yes let me know by commenting below I would really like to know, because we are the same we’ve all been there!

2. Your Mind Does What It Thinks You Want It To Do

The second point is about how your mind works and it’s not about making you miserable because all that your mind wants to do is to make you survive and make you happy. Your mind doesn’t say “okay. He wants to be fit. So let’s make him eat pizza!”. No, if you’re eating pizza it’s because you’ve told your mind that you really like it. What you tell your mind is what your mind does.

Let me give you an example of why your mind does exactly what it thinks you want it to do. The story is about a woman that couldn’t have children because she didn’t have her periods. And what she discovered is that when she was a child she was having really bad periods, like very painful ones, to the point where she couldn’t go out when having the periods because the pain was so intense. She couldn’t be around people and so she started to tell herself “I don’t want these periods, these periods are so horrible”. “It’s hurting me so bad I don’t want them”, and she kept saying that to herself over and over again every time she had her periods.

Eventually, her periods were gone. So this is the power of the mind over the body, but several years later she wanted to have children and that became a problem because she needed her periods back to be able to ovulate and to have children. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t have her periods because her mind believed that periods were bad. When she was saying “Okay, I need my periods back” her mind said “no, you don’t! You hate those remember?” So the whole point is understanding that your mind does what it thinks you want what it thinks is in your best interest, it’s trying to protect you. It’s trying to move you away from pain remember?

So what it means is you have to dialogue with it very consciously and tell it exactly what want, for example if you want to lose weight, let’s take back the example of the pizza and salad. Lets say you’re going to a restaurant and you’re looking at the menu and you’re looking at all the pizza and all the fatty foods and you’re saying “Oh, there’s pizza, but I have to eat a salad” and then your mind will go: “No, you don’t you love pizza remember? It makes you feel good!”. Because it thinks it’s in your best interest, so if you say “no no no, I will have the salad” then you eat the salad and then you feel frustrated and it goes the same if you choose to eat the pizza you would be frustrated after. So what you have to do is telling your mind exactly what you want. Just say “No. I could have the pizza but I’m choosing to have the salad because it’s actually good for me” and your mind will go: “Oh, okay. You’re choosing it so there is no reason I’m giving you any resistance against it because it’s what you’re choosing”. It’s what’s in your best interest.

By explaining that I’m choosing to eat the salad to be able to fit in my clothes and to see the same weight on the scale, your mind will go”Yeah Sure do it!” and the same goes for exercising.

My own experience with it was that I wanted to exercise and make it a habit but I started and stopped at least five times. And I started one last time and up to this day I never stopped and it was because at the beginning I was saying things like “I need to work out”. “I need to do some exercise”. But the voice in the back of my head was “I don’t really want tp, I’d prefer to lie on my bed or watch TV”. But when I started to change and to explain, “okay, I may not enjoy it right now, but my body will love it, it would be good for me” and by actually saying over and over, “I like it, I need it, I enjoy it” and explaining my mind that I really need it and I want it, now my mind lets me do it and even pushes me to do it. So that’s the magic!

OkaySo if I have to sum up just remember that your mind does what it thinks you want it to do and it’s only based on pain and pleasure. If you remember those two things you can choose to do whatever you want.

So now you understand how to use your mind efficiently and in a way that empowers you because really the mind is a tool. It’s not you versus your mind. It’s you who can use your mind. We are all able to use this amazing tool. So go ahead and do it!

I hope you guys really got some value from this video because this principle really helped me to achieve what I want so if you like the video please tell me by liking, subscribing to my channel and letting me know in the comments below!

Thank you for your time with me!

How To Deal With Difficult Times In Life

How To Deal With Difficult Times In Life

We all face difficult times. It’s normal. And when we try to change the course of our life, those times seem to become more frequent. But what if you could actually embrace and accept those times and stop fearing and rejecting them?

This is what I want to share with you today. How to deal with difficult times in life: 5 easy tips to use right away. These are tips I’m using myself and that are allowing me to go through tough times more easily.

1. Everybody has difficult times

It’s okay to have one. Even if it seems to be for no reasons sometimes. Even the greatest leaders have difficult times. Just accept it, do not fight it. If you can’t do anything about the situation, just let go. Know that everything in life comes and goes. So this will pass too. You can’t always grow, it’s the cycle of life.

2. Difficult times are good

Yes, you read me right. Just a quick question: where does your most valuable lesson come from in life? I bet it’s coming from a difficult time! It’s not obvious at the moment, but you will eventually take some benefits away from this difficult time. The sooner you manage to do it, the better.

So take this as an opportunity to grow, don’t suffer for nothing, and know that everything in life happens for a reason. Truly believing that life is happening FOR me and not AGAINST me changed my perspective a great deal. And by the way, when we say it’s “bad”, it’s a judgment, it’s our own interpretation. The truth is, it’s just happening: that’s the only truth we know.

3. Take a step back

Some perspective can help sometimes. Are you really feeling that bad? Are you in danger? Thinking that there are some bigger problems on the planet can help. Like, there are children starving every day, people dying every day. I’m not saying that our problems don’t matter, it just feels less painful that way.

And remember this: most of the time, the things you’re worried about today, you won’t even think about them in 1 month.

4. Focus on the positive, not the negative

Usually, when I feel down or depressed, it’s because I’m completely inside my head, focused on all the things that are wrong at the time. It’s obvious, right? By keeping my mind busy with negative thoughts, my experience is very unlikely to improve. So next time, try to focus on all the things that are going well in your life.

5. Focus on the solution, be proactive

Focus on the solution, not on the problem. Focusing too long on the problem is a waste of time and energy, you’re being passive. If there is something you can do about your situation, do it. If there is nothing you can do, you have to accept it. For example, if you’re in a period where you’re running out of money. Do not focus on the lack of money, by saying things such as “Oh my god I’m broke, I won’t be able to pay for the rent”. Instead, say: “How can I find more money this month?”. I find the “how can I …” formulation very powerful to engage our positive and creative thinking.

I hope these 5 tips will be useful to deal with difficult times in your life. Tell me what you think of it! And most importantly, remember, you’re okay!

Do Not Criticize Yourself

do not criticize yourself

“I’m such an idiot”, “I can’t believe I’m that stupid”, “I will never succeed”. We all speak to ourselves this way sometimes. And we may not even be aware of it, we just consider it normal. We should avoid as much as possible to blame and criticize ourselves like this. We are actually our biggest enemy when it comes down to improve our lives and learn new things.

Do not criticize yourself

Maybe you’re thinking “Yes but sometimes I deserve it”, or “Yes but it WAS stupid”. Yes, I agree. I think I’m still, to this day, my biggest critic. But I’m working on it.

My nephew, who is 13 months old, is learning how to walk. Every time he falls, what do I say to him? I do not say “you suck, you just fell! You will never learn how to walk!”. No, I encourage him, I congratulate him for every step, for every small progress. It’s obvious, right? So why would it be different when we talk to ourselves? When we make mistakes, when we “fail” (I don’t like the word fail, I prefer to say we learn), why do we beat ourselves up?

Another example: would you stay friend with someone who talks to you the same way you do? Someone always blaming, someone only seeing the negative? I don’t think so. You are the person you spend most of your time with. You’d better like this person and develop a loving relationship with him/her!

My point is: if you wouldn’t say something to a child or a friend, do not say it to yourself.

I know it’s not easy, sometimes I just feel like everything upsets me, like I hate myself. But, the more we are kind and loving with ourselves, the better we will feel.

Step by step, change the way you communicate

It is an ongoing job. Anytime I notice I am criticizing or blaming myself, I replace it by something kinder. I remember: “do not criticize yourself”. I believe there is a universal sentence we can all adopt: “I did the best I could”.

Indeed, you did the best you could with the circumstances, with your knowledge, with your awareness. If you could have done better, you would have. So there is nothing to blame you about. We do not do stupid things consciously, right? We’re not acting to suffer on purpose. So we just have to accept it, become more aware, and know that next time, we will do better.

You are enough

I’d like to end this post with a quote from Brené Brown. In case nobody told you, just be aware that: “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, you are enough”. And: “Yes, you are imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that you are also brave and worthy of love and belonging”.

I hope this will set you on a path towards more self-love. I hope you understand the importance of the sentence “Do not criticize yourself”. Please let me know if you have other techniques or if this has been helpful to you!

Why Is Mindset So Critical?

change your mindset

Mindset is everything. Our thoughts become our reality. It seems that the main difference between someone who succeeds and someone who doesn’t is mindset. If you want to be successful and shape your dream life, you first need to master your mindset.

Here are 4 reasons why.

1. Without the proper mindset, you will not be truly successful

We all heard the cliché sentence: money doesn’t buy happiness. I believe there is some truth in it. If you have the wrong mindset, you will not be able to appreciate any of your successes. You are likely to hear the voice in your head “I’m not good enough”, “this is just luck”, “I don’t deserve it”. But if you believe in you, think positive and if you reprogram your mind, you will be able to enjoy even the smallest victory.

2. Whatever you want to achieve, you will encounter adversity

No need to lie to yourself, nothing worth achieving or having will come easily and without frustrations. And that is where a different mindset, a positive one, makes all the difference. When you know the path is full of obstacles, it is just a matter of stepping over them. Because all events that happen are just events. Whether there are good or bad is up to you. You can choose to go through pain, or you can choose to grow through it. Check the article about overcoming failure for more.

3. Limiting beliefs are your worst enemy

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”

The mind is so powerful that everything we believe becomes true. Our thoughts shape our reality, and anything we focus on acts as a filter. Have you ever noticed how you start to see a car you just discovered everywhere in the street? The cars didn’t magically pop up! It is your brain who choose now to see them. It is the same with our beliefs. When we believe something, our brain is constantly looking for evidence in the outside world. It applies for “Nobody likes me”, but also for “I have people that really love me”. This is our true power, we have the ability to choose what we believe! Believe you can do anything you want, and you will! I believe the possibilities are endless. Things like “I am not smart enough”, “I don’t have experience”, “I always fail”, are really tricks our brain uses to keep us safe, but that is not true at all!

4. Knowing where you want to go is a major asset

It is crucial that what you want to achieve is really clear in your mind. Otherwise you will end up switching projects and goals every 2 months. Knowing where you want to go, and most importantly, why, will keep you going when you’ill hit tough times. When we know why we are doing something, the how matters less. And always remember to do it for yourself, not to impress someone else, or to fit in the society. Find a goal that matters to you, aligned with your values, where you can express your integrity, and nothing will stop you!

I invite you to apply a very simple technique to get you started on your mindset shift. During the day, observe your mind and try to catch negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and your autopilot brain mode. When you catch it, do not judge it, observe it, and then, choose to replace it by an empowering belief! This has been a game changer for me. Try it and tell me what you think 🙂

How To Stop Being Afraid Of Failure?

man holding head failure

I think I sound familiar when I say that we are all afraid of failure at some point. But is there a way to stop being afraid?

I think so, and the way is to change how you view failures. Failures are nothing but results that didn’t go as you planned. Let me share how, knowing this, you cannot fail!

There is no such thing as failures, only results

I really mean it! Failure is just a word put on top of an event. Usually, an event that did not go as planned. A failure is actually a result: we acted a certain way, and we obtained a certain result. This result doesn’t suit you? Great! You just have to change your actions! The only way you can fail, is if you quit.

president abraham lincoln
Abraham Lincoln, who faced many failures before becoming President.

These results are valuable learning experiences

If you want success, “failures” are necessary. We need them to learn! Have you ever seen a baby walking 2 days after being born? And have you ever seen a baby quitting because the first step led to a fall? I bet you have not! And it is because failing is part of the process, you have to be bad at something before becoming good. This is how you gain experience.

Think about one lesson from your life!

Let me prove my point a bit more. Think about one lesson from your life. Chances are that it comes from a time that you consider as a “bad time”. For example, I learned that I should always carry jump leads in my car, after spending one night trapped in an underground parking lot! Definitely not an enjoyable night!

We should seek “failures”, and grow through it

So my point is, if we want to accomplish whatever we dream of, we will certainly have to face failures. So instead of fear it, why not embrace it? Looking for it? Failures are as important as successes. You can see them as events, obstacles. And what do you with obstacles? You jump over it, and you reach higher grounds!

Make a list everyday

Okay, still not convinced? Here is a little tip that you can use in order to replace your “failures” by victories. Every night, take a piece of paper, draw two columns, and list every success of the day, and every failure of the day. Then imagine how you would like to handle the failed situation next time, so that it becomes a success! You’ll see that the list of failures will magically reduce over time 🙂

failure success list
An example of a failure/success list

Go out and try!

To really show you that failure is just in our head, I encourage you to go out and try! Try to fail on purpose! Go to a restaurant and order something not on the menu, or ask to trade parking spots with someone! You will be surprised! Come back and tell me what happened 🙂