How To Shift Your State

how to shift your state

Too often, we forget about the importance of our state. We only focus on our words, on what to say. Would you agree that the same message, said with two different states of self, come across very differently? Imagine someone giving a motivational speech. In the first version, he is enthusiastic and full of energy. In the second version, he looks full of doubt and kind of sad. Which one is the most effective, even though the words are the same? It’s obvious, right?

But we too often forget this. I want to share why it’s so important and how we can benefit from this with a quick technique.

1. The importance of state of self

Words are only a fraction of what’s communicated. State of self and body language are much more important. Because your state determines how you will act, how you will show up, and how you will speak.

Imagine you’re about to have an interview for a new job. You’re sitting, nervous, in the waiting room. You’ve rehearsed the typical questions, your qualities, your flaws. You think you’re ready, but you’re very nervous. What if the interview goes wrong? What if you don’t get it? You’re trapped inside of your head. And that’s because you’re only thinking about words. You’re only focused on all the worst-case scenarios. So if you see yourself as clumsy, nervous, doubtful, how do you think that your interviewer will see you? He will see a projection of your mind. A nervous person.

So, we get it, it’s obvious, the state in which we are is very important and determines how we feel and how we act. But how can we change it, fast?

2. A simple way to shift your state to a positive one

The good thing about state is that we can change it very fast. Let me share my experience with you.

The mind and body are connected. How we move influences how we feel and how we think. And the other way around is true as well. You can test it right now. Stand up, cross your arms and look down. You should feel a lack of energy, doubt, and closed. But now, stand up, put your arms to the side, with your palms facing front. Chin up, and take a deep breath. You should feel more open, confident, and more energy.

So the good news is that we can shift our state very quickly. You start with the body, your posture, and then you go on with your thoughts, by focusing on the positive instead of the negative.

Let’s take the interview example again. Much better preparation would be: stand and have a confident posture, at least try to have it. Then, instead of focusing on how everything could go wrong, focus on how and why you’re able to perform well. Read my article about positive interrogation again, it can help. So you might ask “how can I give my best today?”, “why am I capable of getting this job?”. By doing this preparation, you will feel much more confident and in a much better state. It’s very powerful, and it’s fast.

I’ve used it a lot recently, for any kind of situation where I might feel anxious. It’s just practice. I have been surprised by how at first you’re kind of faking it, and then it becomes natural. We often tell stories about ourselves, in our head, but it’s just our perception. We can change.

3. One key takeaway

If you were to remember only one thing, the key here is very simple: “think about how the perfect version of you would act and think in a particular situation. Then, start doing it right now”.

It’s that simple, so go ahead and try! And please share with me your perspective on this topic!

Are You Clear About What You Want In Life?

Are You Clear About What You Want In Life?

Have you taken the time to think about your direction? About what you want to accomplish? Or do you just feel you’re going where life is taking you?

I’ve been drifting through life for a long time until I realized I have the power to choose my direction. I’m sharing here my realization and how to stay focused.

1. Switch off the autopilot

I spent a lot of my life, (actually, 26 years) having a vague idea of what I wanted, trying to cope with life, and ending up disappointed because I was not happy with the result. And this was because I didn’t have a clear sense of where I was going.

Maybe it sounds familiar to you, you know when we say “I’ll just see how it goes”, or “I’ll see where it leads me”. I felt like that when I chose what to study, after high school. I felt the same when I started my first job. I was just trying to go with the flow, not really knowing where I wanted to go, trying to do my best with what I had at the time.

Back then, I didn’t understand a crucial truth: life does not happen to us, we create our life.

Because when you think about it, is it a surprise that we end up in a place where we don’t want to be, when we didn’t even decide where to go? It’s like driving without setting a destination. Where will you end up? Anywhere!

My point is, how can you work towards a better life if you didn’t define what it is first? So let me ask you: are you clear about what you want in life?

2. The importance of having a clear vision and how to do it

The first step is to get clear on your vision. On where you want to go. Otherwise, it’s like running with a blindfold on. You’re still doing a lot of effort, but you might be going in the wrong direction.

It might take time, it’s not something you have to answer in one day. Personally, it took me one year to be very clear about what I wanted. It’s a process. So just keep asking yourself: are you clear about what you want in life? Where do you want to be in 3 years? Just think about something that matters to you. Even if it’s something you want to avoid. For instance, when I quit my job, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at all. But I knew that I didn’t want to go back to the same kind of job. So this was my starting point. Just start somewhere! But it’s crucial that you think about what you want to do with your life.

Once you have an idea of where you want to go, of who you want to be, write it down. But don’t forget about it. Refresh it, every day. Keep the focus. Because it’s so easy to get distracted and end up doing something that will not get you closer to your goal. Every day, spend 10 minutes on your vision. On what you want your life to look like. And act towards it.

So stop today drifting through your life, it’s time to take control of it. Just do it. This is the most important question: are you clear about what you want in life?

Change Reality With The Reticular Activating System

Change Reality With The Reticular Activating System

We often think life happens to us, and that our perception is our reality. That it’s just the way it is. But let me show you that what you perceive as the reality is actually your version of it, it’s very subjective.

This is called the law of attraction (more spiritual), or the RAS: reticular activating system (more scientific). It simply means that we get what we focus on. The good news is then that you can bend reality.

1. The RAS is our brain filter

The RAS is like a filter, our brain will select only a few information from the outside world, because otherwise there would be too much to analyze. Our brain shows us what we decide to focus on. But an example is much better than words to understand it. Watch the short video below!

Whether you already knew the video or just discovered it, it’s a clear example of how our brain notices what we focus on. And it works with everything. It’s the same when you discover a new car model and start noticing it everywhere!

 The good news is that you can choose what to focus on, and then change the reality with the reticular activating system!

2. We too often focus on the negative

Let’s face it, most of the time, we tend to focus on negative things. Have you ever noticed how we choose to focus on “bad” things? When I was a kid, I would have let’s say 9 good grades and 1 bad grade, but do you think I chose to focus on the 9? No, I focused on the one that was bad. Sounds silly right? But we all do it.

The problem with this is that we just saw that we get what we focus on. So the more I focus on the bad grade, the more I will be obsessed with it, and the bigger the chances are that I will get another one. It’s the same with all our problems. If you focus on the problem, you will get more of the problem.That’s why Mother Teresa was not against the war, but she was for peace.

3. Focus on what you want instead

You get what you focus on. So even if you focus on what you don’t want, you will get it. You have to tell your brain what you want! Do not focus on the fact you’re not rich, focus on how it would feel to have more money. Ask yourself how you can earn more.

So, for any problem you have, try to catch yourself every time you’re focused on the negative. Again, it’s a process, it’s practice. You can read my article on positive affirmations, to shift your focus from the problem to the solution. And it’s really working, I’m using it every day! For instance, since I started to write articles, I now notice all kind of topics I could write about, without having to think that much about it.

Let me give you another example. Let’s say someone annoys you. You probably know the feeling when even the most innocent joke annoys you? Maybe it became physical, you just can’t stand this person. That’s because of the RAS. You’re filtering this person’s actions to select only the behaviors that are annoying. So that your brain can find evidence of what you’re looking for. You are then reinforcing the belief that this person is annoying, you have proof! So Instead of focusing on everything he or she did to annoy you, try no notice the nice things about this person.

4. Just practice!

You have the power, the power to decide what to focus on. This is the only thing that no one else or nothing else has control over. YOU get to decide. You can change reality with the reticular activating system. No matter what happens, you get to choose what to focus on.

So go ahead and focus on the positive side. Every morning when you wake up, why not focus on the fact that we’re alive and breathing? Instead of immediately starting the day by thinking about all our problems!

Read This If Positive Affirmations Don’t Work

Positive Affirmations Don't Work

If you’re trying to improve your life in any category, you might be familiar with the idea of positive affirmations. It’s a topic I’ve been reading about many times since I’m interested in improving my quality of life.

But most of the time, positive affirmations don’t work for me. And I just realized that there is a reason for that, and that I’m not alone. What’s more, there is something better to do instead, and it’s called positive interrogations.

1. Why positive affirmations don’t work

First, a positive affirmation is anything like “I am confident”, “I am wealthy”, “I enjoy doing sports”. Pretty simple. The main reason it doesn’t work is because we forget about our unconscious. Indeed, if you say “I am confident”, but deep down inside you, there is the unconscious belief that you are not, saying it will only make things worse.

It has actually the opposite effect because when you don’t believe something, your brain will automatically look for past experiences reinforcing the belief you have. For example. You repeat “I am confident”, but you don’t believe it. So memories of the past when you were not confident at all will start to emerge. And you’re just reinforcing the lack of confidence. Let’s take a stronger example.

The picture below is a red car, right?

red car
A red car.

Now, if you try to say “the car is black”. Will it work? No, because the belief that the car is red is firmly rooted. All your past experiences taught you what’s red. That is why positive affirmations don’t work all the time.

So instead of forcing our brain to think in a way, it’s better to use it, and the way you do it is by asking questions.

2. Use positive interrogations first

Instead of using statements, the trick is to actually use the power of our brain. We just have to use a powerful tool: questions.

Let’s take the example of the car again. What if now, I ask myself “How could this car be black?”. We could say “well, I can paint it in black” or “I can use a blue light so that the car would appear black”. You’re now open to ideas, to new paths, and you are looking for solutions. You are not looking in your past beliefs anymore, but you are looking for future solutions.

The same goes for being confident. Instead of saying “I am confident”, and creating more struggle, you could say: “how can I be more confident?”, “Why am I confident?”, “Why is it easy for me to be confident?”. Now you’re looking for answers! You might get memories where you were actually confident, you might say wait, other people like me are confident so I must be able as well.

By asking yourself powerful questions, you will rewire your brain. And then, when you have proof, when you have new connections, new belief, you can start to use positive affirmations. But not before! Remember, as long as you don’t believe it, at least a little, it’s very unlikely to work.

3. How to use this trick

You can use positive interrogations in any part of your life, in any challenge you have, in any area you want to improve. It will allow yourself to focus on solutions instead of problems, and you will create new connections in your brain, you will replace your beliefs.

I feel like it has been the missing link for me for a long time, so I wanted to share it with you, as I find it very powerful. Because when you’re not feeling good, and you start to force yourself to think “I am happy, I am happy”, it never works. Actually, you just think “NO I’M NOT!”.

And by the way, if you read my article Self-Love Is Key To Happiness, saying “Why do I love myself” might be easier to start with, since you may have a hard time to believe that you love yourself at first.

Thank you for reading this post, please share and comment if you got value from it!

Self-Love Is Key To Happiness

self-love is key to happiness

Okay, now it’s something that I’m kind of scared to share, because it’s not a topic we usually talk about, and it’s sometimes perceived as narcissism. But I believe it is the one and only key to live a better life. I discovered it’s the source of everything: I want to talk about self-love.

I want to share with you how I came to that insight, how it can improve your life and some practices I’m using.

1. Why self-love is key to happiness

First, I believe that we all suffer from a lack of self-love, at some point in our lives. I’m not talking about loving yourself so much that you’re arrogant and you don’t value other people. No, I’m talking about genuine love, genuine compassion.

When I talk about a lack of self-love, I mean all kind of conversation with ourselves that is not kind and helpful. Such as:

  • When you blame yourself from something you did
  • When you’re afraid of what people will think of you
  • When you believe you do not deserve success, health or wealth
  • When you’re feeling a lack of confidence, etc

All these situations, all the negative talk that we have with ourselves, it comes from a lack of self-love. Just think about it and you’ll see it’s true.

I discovered it myself in my journey of trying to improve my quality of life. One of the things that I struggled with, and that I still struggle with to this day, is the fear of being judged. You know, to be accepted, to fit in. I wanted to be able to assume my actions, be proud of the path that I’m on today, which is becoming an online entrepreneur. Sometimes I get a lot of negative feedback and I’d just rather not talk about it. So I started to research about authenticity, and self-love came up.

I followed the path, and I realized: no matter what big plans I have for the future, or no matter what I try to achieve, it doesn’t matter. Indeed, if I do not love myself enough to be able to enjoy my dreams, or to dare to take action, it will be very hard. For instance: imagine your dream is to be a public speaker. You are probably going to face a lot of judgment and rejection. You will then need a big amount of self-love, to be immune to this and keep going.

That’s why I believe that self-love is key to happiness. I can’t think of one situation where self-love is not required. I would like to expand on how life could be for us if self-love was our main priority.

2. What happens when self-love is your priority

Imagine being immune to what other people think. This is what self-love can do. Knowing that the only important opinion is your opinion. The opinions of other people are just opinions. They exist in their world, in their mind, with their systems of beliefs and value. Why should we care so much about them? Just love yourself and choose what is best for you.

Imagine having the confidence to try new thing, to be willing to “fail”. If you love yourself, you will know that the failure is not you, it’s just an event, it’s just a result, and you will not identify yourself with it. You will know you did your best. And you will be willing to do it again, differently.

Imagine not having to please people anymore. Not having to pretend you are someone else, just to fit in. When you love yourself, you are just happy with who you are and you don’t want to change that.

Imagine loving yourself, and not being needy for someone else’s love. When you love yourself, you are not dependent on the validation of another person. You can love without expecting anything in return, and that is a sane relationship to have.

Imagine talking to yourself in a gentle way, being kind. Not the way we are so used to talk. Like self-depreciation, blaming, judging our thoughts and our bodies. Imagine loving your body, loving your mind. You will automatically choose to put healthy food in your body, and consume healthy content/information! The person we spend most of our time with is ourselves. In our mind. Of course, we want to have a loving relationship with this person!

These are the main reasons why I believe self-love is key to happiness. It’s really the basis of all success. Remember when you were a child? You were always happy! And have you ever seen a sad tree? A depressed bird? No! Loving ourselves is our natural state of being.

I want now to share some tools and resources with you, to get you started on that path.

3. Tools and practice

  • First, the most important I guess, is our self-talk. As I said, it is the biggest part because we constantly talk to ourselves. So be attentive, be mindful, and watch your thoughts. You can ask yourself this question: “If I truly and deeply loved myself, would I let myself experience this?”. And remember, self-love is a practice, as much as exercising. It’s not a unique event.
  • Repeat as much as possible a positive thought in your head. It’s just a matter of it becoming automatic and overwriting other negative thoughts. Just choose something that works for you. I started with “I love myself”. You may not believe it at first, as I did. But just keep going. Now I’m using “I am love”, because it removes the division between my ego and myself, and it resonates more.
  • This one is powerful but I might sound crazy! Just look at yourself in the mirror, very close, and stare at one eye. Don’t be afraid! It’s just you! And start repeating “I love myself” (or what works for you). You’re speaking directly to your soul.
  • Finally, I want to give you the name of 2 great books. Most of the insights and techniques I’m using and sharing here are coming from these books. So make sure to read them if you want to learn even more.

I hope you enjoyed this post and that it brought you as much value as I get from all these discoveries. If you like it make sure to drop a comment or share the post!

How To Deal With Difficult Times In Life

How To Deal With Difficult Times In Life

We all face difficult times. It’s normal. And when we try to change the course of our life, those times seem to become more frequent. But what if you could actually embrace and accept those times and stop fearing and rejecting them?

This is what I want to share with you today. How to deal with difficult times in life: 5 easy tips to use right away. These are tips I’m using myself and that are allowing me to go through tough times more easily.

1. Everybody has difficult times

It’s okay to have one. Even if it seems to be for no reasons sometimes. Even the greatest leaders have difficult times. Just accept it, do not fight it. If you can’t do anything about the situation, just let go. Know that everything in life comes and goes. So this will pass too. You can’t always grow, it’s the cycle of life.

2. Difficult times are good

Yes, you read me right. Just a quick question: where does your most valuable lesson come from in life? I bet it’s coming from a difficult time! It’s not obvious at the moment, but you will eventually take some benefits away from this difficult time. The sooner you manage to do it, the better.

So take this as an opportunity to grow, don’t suffer for nothing, and know that everything in life happens for a reason. Truly believing that life is happening FOR me and not AGAINST me changed my perspective a great deal. And by the way, when we say it’s “bad”, it’s a judgment, it’s our own interpretation. The truth is, it’s just happening: that’s the only truth we know.

3. Take a step back

Some perspective can help sometimes. Are you really feeling that bad? Are you in danger? Thinking that there are some bigger problems on the planet can help. Like, there are children starving every day, people dying every day. I’m not saying that our problems don’t matter, it just feels less painful that way.

And remember this: most of the time, the things you’re worried about today, you won’t even think about them in 1 month.

4. Focus on the positive, not the negative

Usually, when I feel down or depressed, it’s because I’m completely inside my head, focused on all the things that are wrong at the time. It’s obvious, right? By keeping my mind busy with negative thoughts, my experience is very unlikely to improve. So next time, try to focus on all the things that are going well in your life.

5. Focus on the solution, be proactive

Focus on the solution, not on the problem. Focusing too long on the problem is a waste of time and energy, you’re being passive. If there is something you can do about your situation, do it. If there is nothing you can do, you have to accept it. For example, if you’re in a period where you’re running out of money. Do not focus on the lack of money, by saying things such as “Oh my god I’m broke, I won’t be able to pay for the rent”. Instead, say: “How can I find more money this month?”. I find the “how can I …” formulation very powerful to engage our positive and creative thinking.

I hope these 5 tips will be useful to deal with difficult times in your life. Tell me what you think of it! And most importantly, remember, you’re okay!

Choose Authenticity

person standing out of the crowd

Authenticity is a choice, in a world where we all struggle to fit in. It can be a hard choice, but a powerful one. Because we all are afraid of being judged, overcoming that fear is a very liberating process.

We all want to avoid judgment and criticism as much as possible. It’s normal. The problem is when it starts to rob you of your own life.  When you’re living someone else’s life. I realized it’s not worth it, and it’s much more fulfilling to embrace who you are.

We all are afraid of being judged

The fear is coming from our survival instinct. Being rejected meant death during the early ages. As human beings, we need connection, we need social interaction and we need to feel accepted.

The fear arises in many occasions. You know this feeling when you think you have to hide something or lie just a little bit because otherwise, people will stare at you, they will judge you. It can be because you ate all the chocolate last night. It can be because it’s been 3 weeks since you last went out and had a drink, it can be because you’re reading a new book about a new subject that your friends or family might find stupid. It can be because you have an ambitious project. Or it can be as simple as not telling a joke you like because you’re afraid of what people might think of you.

We believe we have to be perfect, that we have to please everyone so that we won’t have to deal with rejection, pain, and judgment. We all do this.

The problem is that it creates a lot of frustration, stress, and it can even lead to living a life that’s not yours. It can lead to not doing what you love because you’re afraid of being judged.

Imagine being immune to judgment

The good news is that we have a choice. It’s all in our head, and we can, every day, choose authenticity. We can choose to own our story and be true to ourselves.

Because when you think about it, why do we even want to please everyone, sometimes people we don’t even know, when the end result is not being fulfilled, not being ourselves? I think it’s better to be authentic, and take the risk to be judged, than to be fake, and be approved for someone you’re not.

Besides, you will never be able to please everyone, it’s impossible. Even if you try to be perfect, to be approved every time, there will always be people who will disapprove. So if being judged is inevitable, you might as well choose authenticity!

And it’s really not worth sacrificing your values and integrity for other people, because by doing so, you’re turning your back against yourself. And It’s really difficult to live with that feeling, as the years go by. Sometimes we have to swim against the current, and dare to choose authenticity.

The benefits of choosing authenticity

If you decide to choose authenticity, every day, every time you can, you will be liberated. When you realize that what other people think doesn’t matter, you become free. Because there will always be someone to disagree with you or to judge you. And it’s okay. You don’t have to convince this person. It’s just an opinion. Just welcome the feedback, do not take it personally, and move on.

You will also attract the right people. Because by pretending to be someone else, or by hiding your hobbies or interests, you may prevent people who share your beliefs from coming to you. And it would be a shame. By choosing authenticity, you will attract people you resonate with.

And finally, you will feel at peace, you will feel confident that you’re on the right path, that you can express yourself fully. By choosing authenticity, you open the door for more, and you allow all the things you need to enter your life. You will allow yourself to accept new things, new ideas. You will know what’s right for you. You will inspire people.

So I invite you, every day, to dare to choose authenticity. Believe in yourself.

Don’t Forget To Enjoy The Present Moment

don't forget to enjoy the present moment

Today I’m talking about a fundamental concept if you want to be able to enjoy life. It’s something that I keep learning myself. We are all here because we want to achieve something bigger, live a better life. I just want to make sure that you’re aware that achieving this, in the future, will not eliminate all your problems and make you 100% happy. In order to find happiness, don’t forget to enjoy the present moment.

“One day I will feel better”

We live in a world where we believe that we have to struggle every day, that we must chase something, that life is a race. How can it be wrong? When we look around us, it seems to be the norm.

We live in a world where we always feel like our current living conditions are not enough. We often feel like the solution lies in the future. I’m sure you can you relate to some of the following sentences: “I will be successful/accepted when I get this promotion/job”, “I can’t enjoy my life as long as I’m …”, “I will be happier when I earn more money”, “one day I will travel and everything will be fine”.

I’ve been there. And I’ve realized that no matter what, our mind will never be satisfied. When we succeed, we enjoy what we were seeking for a short period of time, and then it’s not enough again.

This is the root of the problem. We are always looking for something more, something to make us feel good, because we all want a better life, we all want to be happy. But by doing so, we actually forget to enjoy the present moment, our life. To enjoy something, you have to enjoy it NOW.

Realize happiness happens now

We have to realize that we cannot base our meaning and happiness on future events, that are by definition not even existing. Happiness is a choice. If we never manage to be happy now, we will never be able to be happy in the future. We must learn to enjoy what we already have, not to complain about everything we don’t have. That way, our life is not depending on something not even existing, that we might achieve, maybe, one day.

Besides, it can create a lot of frustration when we expect something to happen and it doesn’t go as planned. Instead of doing this, you can enjoy the present moment, enjoy the action, not the result, because if we do so, we deny our life. Every day just becomes a means to an end, and we miss our life, we miss living.

For instance, imagine someone is working 12h per day to build a business that hopefully will allow him to enjoy his life. He doesn’t know how long it is going to take. But he is determined, obsessed and he is working with the only goal of succeeding in building his business. To do so, he is neglecting friends, family and hobbies. Do you see the paradox? He is working to eventually enjoy life, but in the meantime, he is not enjoying life at all! And when he’ll finally manage to build his business, there will be another goal, that he “needs” to reach, in order to be happy…

But I can already hear you saying: we can’t enjoy every moment. Sometimes, the situation is unbearable and we want at all cost to escape it. And you’re right. I’m not saying to be happy all the time, it’s impossible. I’m just saying don’t sacrifice all your present moments for something that seems more important in the future. And by the way, do not put labels on a situation. Good or bad. An event has the signification that you give to it. So just remember that you’re okay right now, and try to enjoy as much as possible the present moment.

I hope you see now that without being able to enjoy what you have right now, nothing will ever be enough. A simple way to start is to practice gratitude every day, for anything you want. The sun, your house, your parents, your bed, anything.

Enjoy your day, and thank you for reading.

Don’t Let Your Mind Use You

busy mind vs mindful mind

I still remember when I was waking up in the morning and immediately thinking about all the things that were waiting for me. All the things on my to-do lists, all the things that I don’t want to do. Not a great way to start the day… So when I realized that it’s a choice, when I started to use my mind instead of letting my mind use me, it was a big breakthrough.

I want to share with you two very important steps so that you don’t let your mind use you. The first step is to pay attention to what goes into your mind, the second step is to feed your mind with positive content and thoughts.

Clean and protect your mind

The mind is like the body. It is now normal to take a shower and brush our teeth every day. We need to take care of our body. Humankind has greatly evolved in terms of physical health.

But what about our mental health? We never get rid of all the rubbish that is in our head, all the negative thoughts, all the resentment, all the terrible news that we hear all the time, all the limiting beliefs.

The first habit that improved my quality of life, and it’s quite simple, is to control what goes into my mind. Especially when I just woke up. Instead of just jumping on my phone, or listening to the news, or thinking about all the “terrible” things that are waiting for me today, I just relax and enjoy this peaceful moment. Any time I notice that my focus is shifting, I notice it and let it go. To sum up, as Jim Rohn said, “Stand guard at the door of your mind”.

Another habit, now that my mind is “protected” from all the noise, is to meditate. It allows me to let go of all the thoughts, and it really feels like I’m “cleaning” my mind.

My mind is now nice and clean, it’s time to use it, instead of letting it use me.

Feed your mind

Which case do you think is best: start the day right away with news of terrorist attacks around the globe, or start the day slowly and gently, and then consuming inspiring or positive content?

This one is huge for me. That’s why I have a morning routine. After cleaning my mind, I spent some time on deliberate thinking. It’s the occasion to think about what I want to accomplish this day, to think about something productive. I spent some time focusing on positive outcomes.

And then, I spent some time consuming inspiring content or doing an activity that fills me with joy.  It can be read a good book, watch an inspirational video on YouTube, practice gratitude, think about my next travel and plan it, play some video games, listen to a podcast. Anything really that puts me into a positive state of mind, and a growth mindset.

After those few steps, I’m in a much better mood to start the day. So it’s really worth the time investment. Especially because I’m not a morning person, so I’d rather stay in my bed for 2 hours!

Your turn

I really encourage you to try these simple steps. Control what enters your mind, especially right after waking up. And then, feed your mind with positive and inspiring content. The input determines the output. Don’t let your mind use you! Use it!

Let me know if this was helpful and if you’d like to learn more about morning routines!

Do Not Criticize Yourself

do not criticize yourself

“I’m such an idiot”, “I can’t believe I’m that stupid”, “I will never succeed”. We all speak to ourselves this way sometimes. And we may not even be aware of it, we just consider it normal. We should avoid as much as possible to blame and criticize ourselves like this. We are actually our biggest enemy when it comes down to improve our lives and learn new things.

Do not criticize yourself

Maybe you’re thinking “Yes but sometimes I deserve it”, or “Yes but it WAS stupid”. Yes, I agree. I think I’m still, to this day, my biggest critic. But I’m working on it.

My nephew, who is 13 months old, is learning how to walk. Every time he falls, what do I say to him? I do not say “you suck, you just fell! You will never learn how to walk!”. No, I encourage him, I congratulate him for every step, for every small progress. It’s obvious, right? So why would it be different when we talk to ourselves? When we make mistakes, when we “fail” (I don’t like the word fail, I prefer to say we learn), why do we beat ourselves up?

Another example: would you stay friend with someone who talks to you the same way you do? Someone always blaming, someone only seeing the negative? I don’t think so. You are the person you spend most of your time with. You’d better like this person and develop a loving relationship with him/her!

My point is: if you wouldn’t say something to a child or a friend, do not say it to yourself.

I know it’s not easy, sometimes I just feel like everything upsets me, like I hate myself. But, the more we are kind and loving with ourselves, the better we will feel.

Step by step, change the way you communicate

It is an ongoing job. Anytime I notice I am criticizing or blaming myself, I replace it by something kinder. I remember: “do not criticize yourself”. I believe there is a universal sentence we can all adopt: “I did the best I could”.

Indeed, you did the best you could with the circumstances, with your knowledge, with your awareness. If you could have done better, you would have. So there is nothing to blame you about. We do not do stupid things consciously, right? We’re not acting to suffer on purpose. So we just have to accept it, become more aware, and know that next time, we will do better.

You are enough

I’d like to end this post with a quote from Brené Brown. In case nobody told you, just be aware that: “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, you are enough”. And: “Yes, you are imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that you are also brave and worthy of love and belonging”.

I hope this will set you on a path towards more self-love. I hope you understand the importance of the sentence “Do not criticize yourself”. Please let me know if you have other techniques or if this has been helpful to you!