We all experience bad days. Sometimes from a silly email, sometimes it’s just our mood, sometimes everything goes wrong. But maybe, in this era of self-help, you’ve tried to change your mood, to reach a more positive state, just to find that it doesn’t work and it’s just making things worse.
I’ve found that ENFPs and INFPs are more likely to experience this, but I think everybody can relate.
A single event can easily become 2 days of struggle. Especially if you need to be in a certain state, for example if you need to be in flow to have creative ideas. It was my case, I struggled for 3 days this week to find a topic for this video!!
So I want to share what I’ve learned about that, and how we can actually be aware of this and still turn it into a productive day, to feel better and fresh the next day. It’s simple but we need to be aware of it! It’s all about using other processes in our brain.
So check out the video to discover how to limit the frustration and still get things done!
Do you know what are the main causes of depression? Why is it that in today’s world, where we have everything to be happy, more and more people are feeling depressed?
The mainstream answer to this is that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. That’s why drugs and antidepressants are mainly prescribed. For a lot of people, it’s great at first, but then, the pain starts to come back. The doses need to go up, and soon, people are both depressed and medicated.
Depression has actually multiple causes, and is more due to an imbalanced way of life. It’s not only biology. So when drugs are not enough, we have to dig deeper and offer more solutions.
In this video, I’m sharing what I’ve learned from Marisa Peer (therapist) and Johann Hari (ex depressed), along with what I’ve learned from my own periods when I felt down.
You will discover that depressed people are not broken, not crazy or weak, and that it’s all to do with unmet needs and behaviors.
Check out my last video below if you want to know the main causes of depression and how to act right away to overcome it!
There is a chance that you want more for your life, that you’re not completely satisfied with where you are right now.
You know what you have to do, in order to reach your dreams or your goals, but you’re so afraid to fail that you’re paralyzed, and you just do nothing.
If you want to discover how to overcome your fear of failure, this is exactly what you’ll get in the video below.
You will have tools to deal with fear of failure, and you will have a different perspective about it. You will even learn that failure is actually your friend and that you shouldn’t be scared of failure!
So if you want to go after what you want in life, check it out!
We all tried to start exercising or begin a new diet, stuck to it for a week, just to give up and go back to the old behavior. It’s absolutely normal. It’s the way our brain works. Our mind loves what’s familiar and comfortable.
By the end of the video below, you will know how habit works and how to build them efficiently and effortlessly.
I now exercise every day, work from home and wake up at 7 am every day with only one alarm! If it sounds like something you’d like to do, watch my last video!
Have you ever wanted something and found out that your mind is your biggest obstacle? Like it’s your enemy instead of your friend?
Well in this video I’m going to explain to you how our mind works how our brain works and how we can use it as an ally instead of an enemy.
Maybe you want to work on a project and you’re really motivated, but as soon as you want to start your mind goes “no don’t want to do it, go and watch Netflix”, for example. So I’m going to explain to you what I’ve learned about the mind, how it works and how to use it properly. And all these techniques, I’m learning them from a training that I’m currently following, it’s a training from Marisa Pier, the famous therapist.
As I said I’m passionate about how the mind works and I want to use it to help people overcome their challenges and remove any blockages.
1. Pain and Pleasure associations
So, let’s dive in. So the first thing to know about the mind, and this point alone can be really effective in changing your behavior and in understanding how to use your mind. The only thing that your mind does is it keeps you away from pain. So if you take a look you will see that all of your actions are related to either pain or pleasure.
Indeed when you do something, it’s either to gain pleasure or to avoid pain, so it all comes down to the meaning you attach to the activity, to your behavior. Let’s say you want to start exercising and you’ve been procrastinating, you’ve been postponing it. The reason why you’ve been postponing it is because when you think about exercising, it’s painful, you know it will be hard. And the minute you will start to exercise and actually do it is because it’s too painful not to do it.
Let’s take another example. Let’s say you have an important project to work on, you know you have to do it. Have you ever wondered why we always at shcool waited like two days before the deadline before starting the work? Because when you have one month to do something, the first days it’s just too painful to get to work because you know you still have time but by approaching the end you know that if you don’t get to work it will have worse consequences and then you start to work. So it’s all about pain and pleasure and by knowing this the very powerful thing is that you can change things, you can change the meaning you attach to things.
For example, let’s say you’re on a diet and you want to stop eating sugar. It’s very hard because usually what goes on is “Oh, I love ice cream or I love chocolate” of course your brain is going to make you want it because it gives you pleasure. But then you eat the chocolate or you eat the pizza and right after you feel bad because you just ate something that’s not good for your body.
So what you could do is link pain to eating pizza or eating chocolate and link pleasure to not eating it. For example, every time you want to eat chocolate or pizza you can picture yourself like being really fat not fit not able to do exercise and you can see that by refusing the chocolate or the pizza or whatever it is, link pleasure to this by thinking: Yeah, I will be able to fit my clothes. I will be able to exercise, I will be able to look good in my clothes; so it’s all a matter of attaching a different meaning to it.
Have you ever experienced like really wanting to do something and instead of doing it just lie on the couch or take a nap? If yes let me know by commenting below I would really like to know, because we are the same we’ve all been there!
2. Your Mind Does What It Thinks You Want It To Do
The second point is about how your mind works and it’s not about making you miserable because all that your mind wants to do is to make you survive and make you happy. Your mind doesn’t say “okay. He wants to be fit. So let’s make him eat pizza!”. No, if you’re eating pizza it’s because you’ve told your mind that you really like it. What you tell your mind is what your mind does.
Let me give you an example of why your mind does exactly what it thinks you want it to do. The story is about a woman that couldn’t have children because she didn’t have her periods. And what she discovered is that when she was a child she was having really bad periods, like very painful ones, to the point where she couldn’t go out when having the periods because the pain was so intense. She couldn’t be around people and so she started to tell herself “I don’t want these periods, these periods are so horrible”. “It’s hurting me so bad I don’t want them”, and she kept saying that to herself over and over again every time she had her periods.
Eventually, her periods were gone. So this is the power of the mind over the body, but several years later she wanted to have children and that became a problem because she needed her periods back to be able to ovulate and to have children. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t have her periods because her mind believed that periods were bad. When she was saying “Okay, I need my periods back” her mind said “no, you don’t! You hate those remember?” So the whole point is understanding that your mind does what it thinks you want what it thinks is in your best interest, it’s trying to protect you. It’s trying to move you away from pain remember?
So what it means is you have to dialogue with it very consciously and tell it exactly what want, for example if you want to lose weight, let’s take back the example of the pizza and salad. Lets say you’re going to a restaurant and you’re looking at the menu and you’re looking at all the pizza and all the fatty foods and you’re saying “Oh, there’s pizza, but I have to eat a salad” and then your mind will go: “No, you don’t you love pizza remember? It makes you feel good!”. Because it thinks it’s in your best interest, so if you say “no no no, I will have the salad” then you eat the salad and then you feel frustrated and it goes the same if you choose to eat the pizza you would be frustrated after. So what you have to do is telling your mind exactly what you want. Just say “No. I could have the pizza but I’m choosing to have the salad because it’s actually good for me” and your mind will go: “Oh, okay. You’re choosing it so there is no reason I’m giving you any resistance against it because it’s what you’re choosing”. It’s what’s in your best interest.
By explaining that I’m choosing to eat the salad to be able to fit in my clothes and to see the same weight on the scale, your mind will go”Yeah Sure do it!” and the same goes for exercising.
My own experience with it was that I wanted to exercise and make it a habit but I started and stopped at least five times. And I started one last time and up to this day I never stopped and it was because at the beginning I was saying things like “I need to work out”. “I need to do some exercise”. But the voice in the back of my head was “I don’t really want tp, I’d prefer to lie on my bed or watch TV”. But when I started to change and to explain, “okay, I may not enjoy it right now, but my body will love it, it would be good for me” and by actually saying over and over, “I like it, I need it, I enjoy it” and explaining my mind that I really need it and I want it, now my mind lets me do it and even pushes me to do it. So that’s the magic!
OkaySo if I have to sum up just remember that your mind does what it thinks you want it to do and it’s only based on pain and pleasure. If you remember those two things you can choose to do whatever you want.
So now you understand how to use your mind efficiently and in a way that empowers you because really the mind is a tool. It’s not you versus your mind. It’s you who can use your mind. We are all able to use this amazing tool. So go ahead and do it!
I hope you guys really got some value from this video because this principle really helped me to achieve what I want so if you like the video please tell me by liking, subscribing to my channel and letting me know in the comments below!
We all face
difficult times. It’s normal. And when we try to change the course of our life,
those times seem to become more frequent. But what if you could actually
embrace and accept those times and stop fearing and rejecting them?
what I want to share with you today. How to deal with difficult times in life:
5 easy tips to use right away. These are tips I’m using myself and that are
allowing me to go through tough times more easily.
1. Everybody has difficult times
It’s okay to have one. Even if it seems to be for no reasons sometimes. Even the greatest leaders have difficult times. Just accept it, do not fight it. If you can’t do anything about the situation, just let go. Know that everything in life comes and goes. So this will pass too. You can’t always grow, it’s the cycle of life.
Difficult times are good
Yes, you read me right. Just a quick question: where does your most valuable lesson come from in life? I bet it’s coming from a difficult time! It’s not obvious at the moment, but you will eventually take some benefits away from this difficult time. The sooner you manage to do it, the better.
So take this as an opportunity to grow, don’t suffer for nothing, and know that everything in life happens for a reason. Truly believing that life is happening FOR me and not AGAINST me changed my perspective a great deal. And by the way, when we say it’s “bad”, it’s a judgment, it’s our own interpretation. The truth is, it’s just happening: that’s the only truth we know.
3. Take a
Some perspective can help sometimes. Are you really feeling that bad? Are you in danger? Thinking that there are some bigger problems on the planet can help. Like, there are children starving every day, people dying every day. I’m not saying that our problems don’t matter, it just feels less painful that way.
And remember this: most of the time, the things you’re worried about today, you won’t even think about them in 1 month.
4. Focus on the positive, not the negative
Usually, when I feel down or depressed, it’s because I’m completely inside my head, focused on all the things that are wrong at the time. It’s obvious, right? By keeping my mind busy with negative thoughts, my experience is very unlikely to improve. So next time, try to focus on all the things that are going well in your life.
5. Focus on the solution, be proactive
Focus on the solution, not on the problem. Focusing too long on the problem is a waste of time and energy, you’re being passive. If there is something you can do about your situation, do it. If there is nothing you can do, you have to accept it. For example, if you’re in a period where you’re running out of money. Do not focus on the lack of money, by saying things such as “Oh my god I’m broke, I won’t be able to pay for the rent”. Instead, say: “How can I find more money this month?”. I find the “how can I …” formulation very powerful to engage our positive and creative thinking.
I hope these 5 tips will be useful to deal with difficult times in your life. Tell me what you think of it! And most importantly, remember, you’re okay!
“I’m such an idiot”, “I can’t believe I’m that stupid”, “I will never succeed”. We all speak to ourselves this way sometimes. And we may not even be aware of it, we just consider it normal. We should avoid as much as possible to blame and criticize ourselves like this. We are actually our biggest enemy when it comes down to improve our lives and learn new things.
Do not criticize yourself
thinking “Yes but sometimes I deserve it”, or “Yes but it WAS stupid”. Yes, I
agree. I think I’m still, to this day, my biggest critic. But I’m working on
My nephew, who is 13 months old, is learning how to walk. Every time he falls, what do I say to him? I do not say “you suck, you just fell! You will never learn how to walk!”. No, I encourage him, I congratulate him for every step, for every small progress. It’s obvious, right? So why would it be different when we talk to ourselves? When we make mistakes, when we “fail” (I don’t like the word fail, I prefer to say we learn), why do we beat ourselves up?
example: would you stay friend with someone who talks to you the same way you
do? Someone always blaming, someone only seeing the negative? I don’t think so.
You are the person you spend most of your time with. You’d better like this
person and develop a loving relationship with him/her!
is: if you wouldn’t say something to a child or a friend, do not say it to
I know it’s not easy, sometimes I just feel like everything upsets me, like I hate myself. But, the more we are kind and loving with ourselves, the better we will feel.
Step by step, change the way you communicate
It is an
ongoing job. Anytime I notice I am criticizing or blaming myself, I replace it
by something kinder. I remember: “do not criticize yourself”. I believe there
is a universal sentence we can all adopt: “I did the best I could”.
Indeed, you did the best you could with the circumstances, with your knowledge, with your awareness. If you could have done better, you would have. So there is nothing to blame you about. We do not do stupid things consciously, right? We’re not acting to suffer on purpose. So we just have to accept it, become more aware, and know that next time, we will do better.
You are enough
I’d like to end this post with a quote from Brené Brown. In case nobody told you, just be aware that: “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, you are enough”. And: “Yes, you are imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that you are also brave and worthy of love and belonging”.
I hope this will set you on a path towards more self-love. I hope you understand the importance of the sentence “Do not criticize yourself”. Please let me know if you have other techniques or if this has been helpful to you!
Hi there! I’m a former mechanical engineer, and I was sick of wasting my life in an office, you know, for something you’re not even interested in. I’m now building a life that has meaning to me. It’s so important that I want to help as many people as possible to do the same! I am glad that you joined me on this journey!