How To Shift Your State

how to shift your state

Too often, we forget about the importance of our state. We only focus on our words, on what to say. Would you agree that the same message, said with two different states of self, come across very differently? Imagine someone giving a motivational speech. In the first version, he is enthusiastic and full of energy. In the second version, he looks full of doubt and kind of sad. Which one is the most effective, even though the words are the same? It’s obvious, right?

But we too often forget this. I want to share why it’s so important and how we can benefit from this with a quick technique.

1. The importance of state of self

Words are only a fraction of what’s communicated. State of self and body language are much more important. Because your state determines how you will act, how you will show up, and how you will speak.

Imagine you’re about to have an interview for a new job. You’re sitting, nervous, in the waiting room. You’ve rehearsed the typical questions, your qualities, your flaws. You think you’re ready, but you’re very nervous. What if the interview goes wrong? What if you don’t get it? You’re trapped inside of your head. And that’s because you’re only thinking about words. You’re only focused on all the worst-case scenarios. So if you see yourself as clumsy, nervous, doubtful, how do you think that your interviewer will see you? He will see a projection of your mind. A nervous person.

So, we get it, it’s obvious, the state in which we are is very important and determines how we feel and how we act. But how can we change it, fast?

2. A simple way to shift your state to a positive one

The good thing about state is that we can change it very fast. Let me share my experience with you.

The mind and body are connected. How we move influences how we feel and how we think. And the other way around is true as well. You can test it right now. Stand up, cross your arms and look down. You should feel a lack of energy, doubt, and closed. But now, stand up, put your arms to the side, with your palms facing front. Chin up, and take a deep breath. You should feel more open, confident, and more energy.

So the good news is that we can shift our state very quickly. You start with the body, your posture, and then you go on with your thoughts, by focusing on the positive instead of the negative.

Let’s take the interview example again. Much better preparation would be: stand and have a confident posture, at least try to have it. Then, instead of focusing on how everything could go wrong, focus on how and why you’re able to perform well. Read my article about positive interrogation again, it can help. So you might ask “how can I give my best today?”, “why am I capable of getting this job?”. By doing this preparation, you will feel much more confident and in a much better state. It’s very powerful, and it’s fast.

I’ve used it a lot recently, for any kind of situation where I might feel anxious. It’s just practice. I have been surprised by how at first you’re kind of faking it, and then it becomes natural. We often tell stories about ourselves, in our head, but it’s just our perception. We can change.

3. One key takeaway

If you were to remember only one thing, the key here is very simple: “think about how the perfect version of you would act and think in a particular situation. Then, start doing it right now”.

It’s that simple, so go ahead and try! And please share with me your perspective on this topic!

Choose The Right Goals For You

choose the right goals for you

Have you ever set a goal, reached it, and then realize that this is not what you wanted? In my last article, I talked about the importance of being clear about what you want. Now I want to talk about how to set goals that will fulfill you. That will not let you with a feeling of emptiness.

Because too often, we chase material things, we chase achievements such as getting a promotion, getting a degree, getting more money. But all of these are mean goals. Let me tell you what I learned about setting goals and how to choose the right goals for you.

1. End goal vs mean goal

Let’s take the example of money. We often hear: my goal is to have a decent salary, my goal is to earn x amount of money. But that’s not true right? Money is a means to an end. You want that money so that you can do something with it. Support your family, live an experience, go on vacation, buy food, etc… Money is not the end goal.

My point is: do not lose sight of why you want to accomplish something. Because too often we can get trapped in the process and forget about the end result.

Let me give you another example. I read a story about a girl who wanted to live in a house next to the beach. But she had not enough revenue. A logical goal would have been “get a job with a 3000$/month salary”. But instead, she asked herself, so that I can do what? And the answer was “so that I can live next to the beach”. So she changed her goal to “do what’s necessary to live next to the beach”. And soon, she found a woman who needed someone to take care of a beautiful house, next to the beach, and thus, she could live in it without paying! You see, here, the 3000$ salary was not the real goal, it was just a means to an end.

So focus on the end goal, focus on WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. Don’t worry about how you will get there. Focus on the result you want and the path will reveal itself.

2. Focus on how it will make you feel

A good way to set goals is to focus on how they will make you feel when you achieve them. It will give you more motivation, it will be more aligned with your feelings.

We often set neutral goals, just about figures, and we forget about our emotions. But if something is important, it will make us feel a special way. Indeed, which formulation do you find more powerful?

  • “I want to earn 3000$ per month” or “I want to earn 3000$ per month so that I can travel the world and feel alive”?

My point is, when you write down your goal, include the end goal (paragraph 1) and the emotions. Make sure that the goal you’re setting matters to YOU. That it’s not to please society, family or peers. It allows you to choose the right goals for you.

3. If possible, focus on never-ending goals, and start today

If you can, write down your goal in a way that it can never end. For instance:

“I want to practice acting every day” instead of “I want to become an actor”. Here the end goal in “I want to become an actor” is acting, because the person loves it. When you put the focus somewhere in the future, it disconnects you from your goal. But if you can formulate your goal in a way that it never ends, the powerful thing is that you can start today. It’s like saying “I want to always learn and grow”, “I want to live amazing experiences” or “I want to save 20% of my earnings”. These are open goals, focused on the end, and that you can start today.

4. Sum Up

To sum up, these are the most powerful techniques that I used when I set my goals. Use them to choose the right goals for you:

  1. Focus on the end goal, by asking yourself “so that?”
  2. Include feelings
  3. Formulate it so that it never ends, and start today

I use these techniques to set end goals, and then I can think about intermediate goals. For instance: “I want to feel fit and healthy” is my end goal. Then, the goals to get there might be more specific and actionable, such as “exercise 20min every day”.

So go ahead, think about how you want your life to be, find the real reasons and motivations behind, and set your end goals. Then, map out your way until there!

Are You Clear About What You Want In Life?

Are You Clear About What You Want In Life?

Have you taken the time to think about your direction? About what you want to accomplish? Or do you just feel you’re going where life is taking you?

I’ve been drifting through life for a long time until I realized I have the power to choose my direction. I’m sharing here my realization and how to stay focused.

1. Switch off the autopilot

I spent a lot of my life, (actually, 26 years) having a vague idea of what I wanted, trying to cope with life, and ending up disappointed because I was not happy with the result. And this was because I didn’t have a clear sense of where I was going.

Maybe it sounds familiar to you, you know when we say “I’ll just see how it goes”, or “I’ll see where it leads me”. I felt like that when I chose what to study, after high school. I felt the same when I started my first job. I was just trying to go with the flow, not really knowing where I wanted to go, trying to do my best with what I had at the time.

Back then, I didn’t understand a crucial truth: life does not happen to us, we create our life.

Because when you think about it, is it a surprise that we end up in a place where we don’t want to be, when we didn’t even decide where to go? It’s like driving without setting a destination. Where will you end up? Anywhere!

My point is, how can you work towards a better life if you didn’t define what it is first? So let me ask you: are you clear about what you want in life?

2. The importance of having a clear vision and how to do it

The first step is to get clear on your vision. On where you want to go. Otherwise, it’s like running with a blindfold on. You’re still doing a lot of effort, but you might be going in the wrong direction.

It might take time, it’s not something you have to answer in one day. Personally, it took me one year to be very clear about what I wanted. It’s a process. So just keep asking yourself: are you clear about what you want in life? Where do you want to be in 3 years? Just think about something that matters to you. Even if it’s something you want to avoid. For instance, when I quit my job, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at all. But I knew that I didn’t want to go back to the same kind of job. So this was my starting point. Just start somewhere! But it’s crucial that you think about what you want to do with your life.

Once you have an idea of where you want to go, of who you want to be, write it down. But don’t forget about it. Refresh it, every day. Keep the focus. Because it’s so easy to get distracted and end up doing something that will not get you closer to your goal. Every day, spend 10 minutes on your vision. On what you want your life to look like. And act towards it.

So stop today drifting through your life, it’s time to take control of it. Just do it. This is the most important question: are you clear about what you want in life?

Change Reality With The Reticular Activating System

Change Reality With The Reticular Activating System

We often think life happens to us, and that our perception is our reality. That it’s just the way it is. But let me show you that what you perceive as the reality is actually your version of it, it’s very subjective.

This is called the law of attraction (more spiritual), or the RAS: reticular activating system (more scientific). It simply means that we get what we focus on. The good news is then that you can bend reality.

1. The RAS is our brain filter

The RAS is like a filter, our brain will select only a few information from the outside world, because otherwise there would be too much to analyze. Our brain shows us what we decide to focus on. But an example is much better than words to understand it. Watch the short video below!

Whether you already knew the video or just discovered it, it’s a clear example of how our brain notices what we focus on. And it works with everything. It’s the same when you discover a new car model and start noticing it everywhere!

 The good news is that you can choose what to focus on, and then change the reality with the reticular activating system!

2. We too often focus on the negative

Let’s face it, most of the time, we tend to focus on negative things. Have you ever noticed how we choose to focus on “bad” things? When I was a kid, I would have let’s say 9 good grades and 1 bad grade, but do you think I chose to focus on the 9? No, I focused on the one that was bad. Sounds silly right? But we all do it.

The problem with this is that we just saw that we get what we focus on. So the more I focus on the bad grade, the more I will be obsessed with it, and the bigger the chances are that I will get another one. It’s the same with all our problems. If you focus on the problem, you will get more of the problem.That’s why Mother Teresa was not against the war, but she was for peace.

3. Focus on what you want instead

You get what you focus on. So even if you focus on what you don’t want, you will get it. You have to tell your brain what you want! Do not focus on the fact you’re not rich, focus on how it would feel to have more money. Ask yourself how you can earn more.

So, for any problem you have, try to catch yourself every time you’re focused on the negative. Again, it’s a process, it’s practice. You can read my article on positive affirmations, to shift your focus from the problem to the solution. And it’s really working, I’m using it every day! For instance, since I started to write articles, I now notice all kind of topics I could write about, without having to think that much about it.

Let me give you another example. Let’s say someone annoys you. You probably know the feeling when even the most innocent joke annoys you? Maybe it became physical, you just can’t stand this person. That’s because of the RAS. You’re filtering this person’s actions to select only the behaviors that are annoying. So that your brain can find evidence of what you’re looking for. You are then reinforcing the belief that this person is annoying, you have proof! So Instead of focusing on everything he or she did to annoy you, try no notice the nice things about this person.

4. Just practice!

You have the power, the power to decide what to focus on. This is the only thing that no one else or nothing else has control over. YOU get to decide. You can change reality with the reticular activating system. No matter what happens, you get to choose what to focus on.

So go ahead and focus on the positive side. Every morning when you wake up, why not focus on the fact that we’re alive and breathing? Instead of immediately starting the day by thinking about all our problems!

Read This If Positive Affirmations Don’t Work

Positive Affirmations Don't Work

If you’re trying to improve your life in any category, you might be familiar with the idea of positive affirmations. It’s a topic I’ve been reading about many times since I’m interested in improving my quality of life.

But most of the time, positive affirmations don’t work for me. And I just realized that there is a reason for that, and that I’m not alone. What’s more, there is something better to do instead, and it’s called positive interrogations.

1. Why positive affirmations don’t work

First, a positive affirmation is anything like “I am confident”, “I am wealthy”, “I enjoy doing sports”. Pretty simple. The main reason it doesn’t work is because we forget about our unconscious. Indeed, if you say “I am confident”, but deep down inside you, there is the unconscious belief that you are not, saying it will only make things worse.

It has actually the opposite effect because when you don’t believe something, your brain will automatically look for past experiences reinforcing the belief you have. For example. You repeat “I am confident”, but you don’t believe it. So memories of the past when you were not confident at all will start to emerge. And you’re just reinforcing the lack of confidence. Let’s take a stronger example.

The picture below is a red car, right?

red car
A red car.

Now, if you try to say “the car is black”. Will it work? No, because the belief that the car is red is firmly rooted. All your past experiences taught you what’s red. That is why positive affirmations don’t work all the time.

So instead of forcing our brain to think in a way, it’s better to use it, and the way you do it is by asking questions.

2. Use positive interrogations first

Instead of using statements, the trick is to actually use the power of our brain. We just have to use a powerful tool: questions.

Let’s take the example of the car again. What if now, I ask myself “How could this car be black?”. We could say “well, I can paint it in black” or “I can use a blue light so that the car would appear black”. You’re now open to ideas, to new paths, and you are looking for solutions. You are not looking in your past beliefs anymore, but you are looking for future solutions.

The same goes for being confident. Instead of saying “I am confident”, and creating more struggle, you could say: “how can I be more confident?”, “Why am I confident?”, “Why is it easy for me to be confident?”. Now you’re looking for answers! You might get memories where you were actually confident, you might say wait, other people like me are confident so I must be able as well.

By asking yourself powerful questions, you will rewire your brain. And then, when you have proof, when you have new connections, new belief, you can start to use positive affirmations. But not before! Remember, as long as you don’t believe it, at least a little, it’s very unlikely to work.

3. How to use this trick

You can use positive interrogations in any part of your life, in any challenge you have, in any area you want to improve. It will allow yourself to focus on solutions instead of problems, and you will create new connections in your brain, you will replace your beliefs.

I feel like it has been the missing link for me for a long time, so I wanted to share it with you, as I find it very powerful. Because when you’re not feeling good, and you start to force yourself to think “I am happy, I am happy”, it never works. Actually, you just think “NO I’M NOT!”.

And by the way, if you read my article Self-Love Is Key To Happiness, saying “Why do I love myself” might be easier to start with, since you may have a hard time to believe that you love yourself at first.

Thank you for reading this post, please share and comment if you got value from it!

A Blueprint To A Better Life

a blueprint to a better life

We all want to live a better life. But sometimes we don’t even know what that is. We feel overwhelmed by all the different choices we can make. And we don’t even know what goal to aim for!

Today I’m sharing a simple but very effective tool that you can use as a blueprint to a better life. You will know where you’re going. And the best part is that you can start to improve your life right now!

1. A blueprint to a better life: your ideal day

If you want to improve your life, you have to know where you’re going right? And we want to make sure that we don’t choose a goal that will only make us happy for a short period of time. We want lasting fulfillment. A powerful but very simple way to do this is to define your average ideal day.

The word average is important. You should write a description of the ideal day that you would love to live day after day. Here is a list of guidelines to write it:

  • Be specific, write as many details as possible: who is with you? Where do you live? At what time do you get up? How much time do you spend working? What do you do for leisure?
  • Include descriptions of how you feel
  • Include all areas of life: personal, social, wealth, health, adventures, etc…
  • Do not limit yourself by what’s possible or not in your head, dream!

A good way to know if your version is properly done is if you’re excited by it, if you look forward to it. Now don’t worry, it will change over time, it will improve and evolve. I’m already at the 6th version of my ideal day! Do not think too hard about this, just trust your gut and write down something that makes you happy and fulfilled.

You can also create a vision board if that helps you.

Okay, now that you have this blueprint to a better life, here is what to do with it.

2. How to use your ideal day

Now that you know where you want to go, you can think about the steps needed to go there. For example, if your ideal day is to wake up every day in a different place and to travel a lot, maybe you need a freelancer job. Or if your ideal day includes being close to nature, maybe you need to move out. It’s all about what you really want, and then execute the steps needed to reach it.

I recommend you to read and visualize your ideal day every day, and to keep adapting it. Always ask yourself: is it still what I want? And are the steps still relevant?

Another point is that we too often wait for something in the future that is going to make us happy. The truth is that it’s not a future job, promotion, house, or amount of money that will solve all our problems and fulfill us. The key point is that we must start to implement parts of our ideal day right now! It’s the bridge between the present and the future. And slowly, you will get closer to your ideal day. Your current day will gradually turn into your ideal day.

For example, if during your ideal day, you spend time with your family, or if you’re having a healthy lifestyle and you’re exercising, you can start doing these things right away. We can improve our lives immediately, without postponing it.

So I strongly encourage you to take 15min to write down your ideal day. It has really been a game changer for me. Knowing what you want and acting towards it is powerful. So start today, and go write this blueprint to a better life!